Gone but never forgotten...Ever!

 Saturday, December 15th, 2012, I got the call from my brother, that my dear Godmother our Auntie Barb, who has been with me my whole life, had left us to go to heaven.  And though, she faught the toughest,most painful fight ( pancreatic cancer) for 9 months, and though she suffered and was in alot of discomfort and pain, especially this past couple months, you never want to say goodbye to someone you love so much.
Yes, we wanted to take away her pain and yes we prayed for her to be in peace but  we much rather her to be in peace here on earth with us. It's so hard to let someone you love go. Even though you know they are going to pure peace, love and joy in heaven with Jesus, it still makes us all left behind on earth feel so sad and empty and full of grief and loss.
Every Christmas Eve,  my Godmother and my cousins  would come for dinner and laughs and my brother dresses up as Santa and brings the children presents and my cousin Matthews's birthday is on December 24h, so Auntie Barb would always buy her son a birthday cake and we'd sing and laugh and take pictures and be together.
We are really going to feel her loss in 4 days on Christmas Eve.
And my heart aches for all the babies taken in the school shooting, for all the daughters, who tried with all they could to protect those precious children from the shooter.  The all stay in my heart and I cry for all of them, gone too soon and so tragically.
Christmas is not the same this year.
I often play the song "Where are you Christmas" from my girl, Faith Hill... Because it really fits this years Christmas season.
I find peace in music and I find peace in prayer.
I cherish the memories with my dear Godmother, I try to let the angry feelings wash away with all the tears I cry...the anger for cancer and the anger for precious lives taken so tragically.
I try to embrace
the LOVE beacause God is Love
and
LOVE is GOD
and
we can only go forward if we realize LOVE.
7 Christmases ago, Auntie Barb was  blessed with her first granddaughter, Samantha.
And here is a picture I cherish so much, of me holding my Bella and
Auntie Barb holding her Samantha, on their first Christmas.

Oh how I wish she could still be here to see how amazing Samantha is in first grade with her cousin Bella.
She misses her Grandma so much and isn't ready to talk about her just yet.
I pray in time she will, so we can share all the wonderful memories and pictures of her Grandma with her.
Merry Christmas, Auntie Barb.
I love you and miss you so much.
Xoxoxoxoo
I will be speaking at her memorial service this Saturday and how appropriate is the Proverb I will be dedicating to my Auntie Barb: