Don't Give Up On Me......

day what?

ok not only off the wagon but off the whole train track!
yep.
that's me
no consistency
whatsoever.
but
i am not allowed to beat myself up about my failures and let downs to myself.
i just
keep
on
keepin
on.
this memorial day was so fun and fun includes food and drinks up in this love shack!!
movie day with the kids, absolutely includes a big bag of ridicuously expense buttered popcorn and a big ol' pepsi.
then
what was going to be a little cookout gathering turned into a big shabang in our little shack.
steak tips.
grilled goods.
ceasar salad.
luberto's italian pastry..cannoli's...italian cookies, cupcakes, cheesecake.
chips
drinks
fun
fattening
weekend.
i wish i could honestly and proudly say i did so good and resisted all that good stuff but i'd be lying and then i would be double ashamed...one for caving,...two for lying about it.
so
i
caved.
ate like a caveman
and now forgot what day i was on for this life changing way of life...eating...moving...
back on track, praying not to slack...atleast not until this upcoming Saturday which will be my birthday and that is a total cave day!!!
tomorrow  zumba for a cause...relay for life...all proceeds and booty shakes dedicated to fighting cancer!
amen.
God Bless.
love & peace.

day 3.

epic fail.
breakfast   waffles with syrup...yep fell right off the wagon, i was starving after last nights intense zumba class...
green tea

lunch    turkey/cheese sandwich and some salami and cheese rolled up and 5 nutter butter cookies  and a one hundred calorie bag of chocolate covered pretzels
big glass of iced water with lemon

dinner    grilled chicken with caesar salad, one corn on the cob and another salami and cheese sandwich! wowzers i f....ed up today big time...then after dinner a weight watchers red velvet mini ice cream sandwich and like 4 pieces o twizzlers...

not going to beat myself up over it, on the bright side, i did walk 30 minutes fast and didn't drink one alcohol beverage...so I'm proud, a little.
tomorrow is another day
and
i
will
do
better,
good night.

day 2

day 2.
breakfast:  one banana sliced with peanut butter into sandwiches.
                  one medium iced coffee, cream, 1 sugar
lunch:        salad with an oz of chicken salad on it.
                  ice water with lemon
snack:         more frozen banana peanut butter slices
dinner:       shall be????     probably grilled chicken on a caesar salad and a nice class of booty shakes
                   Zumba tonight!!! that's right...booty shakes, booty shakes...boooooty shakes!!!!
lots of ice water
home.
shower.
read.
pray.
sleepy sleepy.
night. night.

for me

this is for me and only me.
i
have
had it...
starting a new journey for myself...i am going to keep a journal right here on this weak blog, that no one views, just for me, to keep track of what i eat daily.
i am not happy with my body, how i feel, how i look, how my clothes fit, how unhealthy my very high chloresteral is, i need to be around my 4 babies.  and i need to do this for myself and my kids.

baby steps.
i am just setting out to lose ten pounds at a time, though 50 is my goal, that's too overwhelming of a goal for this big little mama right now, so baby steps.

my daughter took a picture of me about 3 years ago

'no more french fries for  my mama for a long time!

 and i can honestly remember that is when i went into a bad depression soon after this picture was taken, for reasons i will not write about, but in my mind i just stopped caring about myself...i ate, i didn't exercise as i use too and i just gave up...
now i am ready to try,
not giving up no more.

today's food intake for may 21, 2013:   breakfast 1 plain donut.  1 medium iced coffee.
                                                              lunch  1 ounce of tostito's with salsa and 2 cups of ice water with lemon.                                           dinner:  grilled chicken, cup of corn, cup of rice pilaf, water with lemon.
snack: frozen banana sliced peanut butter sandwiches.
done.
gn.

Boston Strong~ Forevaaaaaa!!!!

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Bridge of Light...

i close
my
eyes
 and
thank
God
for music.
for this song.
for
Pink,  for creating this song.
Thank you.

Amen.